Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I wish you could order shots online.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I touched a dick in church today
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
