You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
