Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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