My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
