She is in my trunk
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
