the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
