she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
