help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
