I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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