I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
