Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
jump out the window naked night went bad
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
