i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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