and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
