I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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