I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
