Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Randomize
