you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
