p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
