'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
