so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
