toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
