I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
