just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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