i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
