Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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