I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
what the fuck happened to the tacos
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
