Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
