I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
