Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Houston, we have a blender
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I have aggressive nipples.
Dicks are not precious.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
