Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
