im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
