He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
