We're facebook friends in real life
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
