im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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