Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
