i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
