i just wanna soil my oats bro
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
