you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
