i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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