Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
third nipple confirmed
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
