Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
