I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
