thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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