Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Found your dick twin last night
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
