There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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