Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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