I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
