Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
