She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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