Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
